IN EXILE
By Father Ron Rolheiser, OMI
Gloria Steinem once confessed that, while never having been overweight, she has always been concerned about her weight because the genes she inherited from her parents predisposed her in that direction. So, she says, I think of myself as a fat woman who is slim at the moment. Her comment helped me to understand something I misunderstood years before in a classroom.
Early on in my seminary studies, taking a course on the sociology of poverty, I was struggling to accept our professor’s explanation as to why poverty isn’t always the consequence of personal failure, but is often the product of unchosen circumstances, accidents and misfortune. Many of us in the class weren’t buying it, and this was our logic. Most of us had come from very humble economic backgrounds and believed that we had pulled ourselves up by our own bootstraps. Why couldn’t everyone else do the same?
So we protested: we grew up poor. We didn’t have any money. We didn’t get free school lunches. We had to work to pay for our clothes and books. Our parents never took any handouts. Nobody helped them – they took care of themselves. So have we, their kids. We resent those who are getting things for nothing. Nothing came to us free! We’ve earned what we have.

Our professor answered by telling us that this is precisely why we needed a course on the sociology of poverty. He wasn’t buying the notion that we had grown up poor and had earned things by our own hard work. Then, this surprising phrase: “None of you were poor as kids; you were rich kids who grew up without money; and where you are today isn’t just the result of your own hard work, it’s also the result of a lot of good fortune.”
It took me years (and Gloria Steinem’s comment) to understand he was right. I was a rich kid who grew up in a family without money. Moreover, so much of what I naively believed that I’d earned by my own hard work was in fact very much the product of good fortune.
I doubt our society understands that. A number of popular clichés have us believe that one’s background should never be an excuse for not being a success in this world, that success is open equally to everyone. We’ve all inhaled the clichés. Any poor kid can grow up to be President of this country! Any poor kid can go to Harvard! Anybody industrious can make a success of his or her life! There’s no excuse for any healthy person not having a job!
Is this true? Partially, yes; kids from poor economic backgrounds have become president, thousands of poor kids have found entrance into the best universities, countless kids who grew up poor have been highly successful in life, and people who are motivated and not lazy generally do make a success of their lives. However, that’s far from the whole story.
What really makes for the separation of rich and poor in our world? Is everyone really on equal footing? Is it really virtue that makes for success and lack of it that makes for failure?
In a best-selling book, Elderhood, Louise Aronson, makes this comment about her mother and Queen Elizabeth, both who aged wonderfully and gracefully: “They both were born into privilege: white, citizens of developed countries, wealthy and educated. Both were gifted with great genetic DNA, and both had the good fortune of not ever having been assaulted, abused, felled by cancer, or in a debilitating car accident. … These advantages are not a matter of character. Indeed, willpower and capacity for wise decisions are often by-products of fortunate lives.” (Emphasis, mine)
Success isn’t predicated only on personal character, hard work and dedication. Neither is failure necessarily the result of weakness, laziness, and lack of effort. We aren’t all born equal, set equally into the same starting blocks, have equally gifted or abusive childhoods, are allotted equally the same opportunities for education and growth, and then are parceled out equally the same measure of accidents, illness and tragedy in life. However, it’s because we naively believe that fortune is allotted equally to all that we glibly (and cruelly) divide people into winners and losers, judge harshly those we deem losers, blame them for their misfortunes, and congratulate ourselves on what we have achieved, as if all the credit for our success can be attributed to our own virtue. Conversely, we see those who are poor as having only themselves to blame. Why can’t they pull themselves up by their bootstraps? We did!
But … some of us have genes that predispose us to become fat, some of us are rich kids who grow up without money, and willpower and capacity for wise decisions are often the products of a fortunate life rather than a matter of character. Recognizing that can make us less cruel in our judgments and far less smug in our own successes.

(Oblate Father Ron Rolheiser is a theologian, teacher and award-winning author. He can be contacted through his website www.ronrolheiser.com.)

By Father Clement “Clem” Olukunle Oyafemi
JACKSON – On Pentecost we celebrate the birthday of the Catholic Church. In other words, we celebrate the inauguration of the Universal Church. When Jesus rose from the dead, the first gift he gave to the church was the Holy Spirit. He says to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them” (Jn 20:22-23).
Before his ascension, Jesus makes a promise to his disciples. He says to them, “But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)

On Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came upon the apostles and as the Bible attests, “They were devout men (and women) even in Jerusalem from every nation on the earth … and each one was bewildered to hear these men (the apostles) speaking his own language.” (Acts 2:6) They questioned: How does it happen that each of us hears them (the apostles) in his own native language? (Acts.2:8) What is the implication of this message? How does it affect us today?
What happened on Pentecost was a miracle. The miracle was that God spoke to people of different nationalities in their own native tongues through the Apostles who were uneducated men. It was a reverse of the division that was experienced at the Tower of Babel (cf Gn 11:1-9). Praise God!. The human race is once again united after many centuries of division and confusion. Through the Holy Spirit the divided world, marked by misunderstanding, conflicts and confusion, is now united.
Today there is a serious attempt by some schools of thought to teach the whole world the same verbal language to unite them. That, however, seems to be an expensive joke.
What we need today is “inculturation.” That is to allow the gospel message to be born in every culture. Today we are challenged to break down the barriers of division and sectarianism. We are challenged to bring the Gospel to every race and culture and help them understand the marvels of God in their own native languages. We are challenged to help people connect with God in their own concrete historical conditions. We do not need to learn any foreign language to communicate with God, our loving Father. If the church is defined as “the people of God,” then, the language of the church must be the language of God’s people in every part of the world.
What we really need in today’s church is the language of love. It is non-verbal and does not require an interpreter. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will be able to speak the nonverbal language of love, which cannot be taught by any human technique. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will be able to understand each other in family, in the church, and in society.
Filled with the Holy Spirit, the church will have the courage to carry out the universal Mission entrusted to her by Jesus. She will be comforted, directed, and strengthened especially at difficult times. At confirmation, each one of us received the gift of the Holy Spirit. That is meant give us the courage to always witness the Faith, even in the face of death.
May the Holy Spirit, which came on Pentecost day, come upon each, and every one of us and renew the face of the entire earth.

(Excerpt from the book Theological Reflections for Sundays and Solemnities of Liturgical Year B, 2011 by Father Clem-alias Clemente de Dios, Coordinator of the Intercultural Ministry of the Diocese since 2020. Father Clem has two master’s degrees, one in theology and the other in religious education, and a BA in Philosophy. Sharing with Sister Thea Bowman a passion for the Lord and music, Father Clem founded the Rejoice Ministry of African Worship Songs –AFRAWOS– in 2002.)

By Father Clement “Clem” Olukunle Oyafemi
JACKSON – On Pentecost we celebrate the birthday of the Catholic Church. In other words, we celebrate the inauguration of the Universal Church. When Jesus rose from the dead, the first gift he gave to the church was the Holy Spirit. He says to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them” (Jn 20:22-23).
Before his ascension, Jesus makes a promise to his disciples. He says to them, “But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)

On Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came upon the apostles and as the Bible attests, “They were devout men (and women) even in Jerusalem from every nation on the earth … and each one was bewildered to hear these men (the apostles) speaking his own language.” (Acts 2:6) They questioned: How does it happen that each of us hears them (the apostles) in his own native language? (Acts.2:8) What is the implication of this message? How does it affect us today?
What happened on Pentecost was a miracle. The miracle was that God spoke to people of different nationalities in their own native tongues through the Apostles who were uneducated men. It was a reverse of the division that was experienced at the Tower of Babel (cf Gn 11:1-9). Praise God!. The human race is once again united after many centuries of division and confusion. Through the Holy Spirit the divided world, marked by misunderstanding, conflicts and confusion, is now united.
Today there is a serious attempt by some schools of thought to teach the whole world the same verbal language to unite them. That, however, seems to be an expensive joke.
What we need today is “inculturation.” That is to allow the gospel message to be born in every culture. Today we are challenged to break down the barriers of division and sectarianism. We are challenged to bring the Gospel to every race and culture and help them understand the marvels of God in their own native languages. We are challenged to help people connect with God in their own concrete historical conditions. We do not need to learn any foreign language to communicate with God, our loving Father. If the church is defined as “the people of God,” then, the language of the church must be the language of God’s people in every part of the world.
What we really need in today’s church is the language of love. It is non-verbal and does not require an interpreter. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will be able to speak the nonverbal language of love, which cannot be taught by any human technique. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will be able to understand each other in family, in the church, and in society.
Filled with the Holy Spirit, the church will have the courage to carry out the universal Mission entrusted to her by Jesus. She will be comforted, directed, and strengthened especially at difficult times. At confirmation, each one of us received the gift of the Holy Spirit. That is meant give us the courage to always witness the Faith, even in the face of death.
May the Holy Spirit, which came on Pentecost day, come upon each, and every one of us and renew the face of the entire earth.

(Excerpt from the book Theological Reflections for Sundays and Solemnities of Liturgical Year B, 2011 by Father Clem-alias Clemente de Dios, Coordinator of the Intercultural Ministry of the Diocese since 2020. Father Clem has two master’s degrees, one in theology and the other in religious education, and a BA in Philosophy. Sharing with Sister Thea Bowman a passion for the Lord and music, Father Clem founded the Rejoice Ministry of African Worship Songs –AFRAWOS– in 2002.)

IN EXILE
By Father Ron Rolheiser, OMI
Imagine a young couple intoxicated with each other in the early stages of love. Imagine a religious neophyte in love with God, praying ecstatically. Imagine an idealistic young person working tirelessly with the poor, enflamed with a thirst for justice. Is this young couple really in love with each other? Is that religious neophyte really in love with God? Is this young social activist really in love with the poor? Not an easy question.
Whom are we really loving when we have feelings of love? The other? Ourselves? The archetype and energy the other is carrying? Our own fantasy of that person? The feelings this experience is triggering inside us? When we are in love, are we really in love with another person or are we mostly basking in a wonderful feeling which could be just as easily triggered by countless other persons?
There are different answers to that question. John of the Cross would say it is all of these things; we are in fact really loving that other person, loving a fantasy we have created of that person, and basking in the good feeling this has generated inside us. That is why, invariably, at a given point in a relationship the powerful feelings of being in love give way to disillusionment – disillusionment (by definition) implies the dispelling of an illusion, something was unreal. So for John of the Cross, when we are in love, partly the love is real and partly it is an illusion. Moreover, John would say the same thing about our initial feelings of fervor in prayer and in altruistic service. They are a mixture of both, authentic love and an illusion.
Some other analyses are less generous. In their view, all initial falling in love, whether it be with another person, with God in prayer, or with the poor in service, is mainly an illusion. Ultimately, you are in love with being in love, in love with what prayer is doing for you, or in love with how working for justice is making you feel. The other person, God, and the poor are secondary. That is why, so often, when first fervor dies, so too does our love for its original object. When the fantasy dies, so too does the sense of being in love. We fall in love without really knowing the other person and we fall out of love without really knowing the other person. The very phrase “falling in love” is revealing. “Falling” is not something we choose, it happens to us. Marriage Encounter spirituality has a clever slogan around this: marriage is a decision; falling in love is not.

Who is right? When we fall in love, how much is genuine love for another and how much is an illusion within which we are mostly loving ourselves? Steven Levine answers this from very different perspective and throws new light on the question. What is his perspective?
Love, he says, is not a “dualistic emotion.” For him, whenever we are feeling authentic love we are, at that moment, feeling our oneness with God and with all that is. He writes, “The experience of love arises when we surrender our separateness into the universal. It is a feeling of unity … It is not an emotion, it is a state of being … It is not so much that ‘two are as one’ so much as it is the ‘One manifested as two.’” In other words, when we love someone, in that moment, we are one with him or her, not separate, so that even though our fantasies and feelings may be partially wrapped up in self-serving affectivity, something deeper and more real than our feelings and fantasies is occurring. We are one with the other in our being – and, in love, we sense it.
In this view, authentic love is not so much something we feel; it is something we are. At its root, love is not an affective emotion or a moral virtue (though these are part of it). It is a metaphysical condition, not something that comes and goes like an emotional state, nor something that we can choose or refuse morally. A metaphysical condition is a given, something we stand within, that makes up part of what we are, constitutively, though we can be blissfully unaware. Thus, love, not least falling in love, can help make us more conscious of our non-separateness, our oneness in being with others.
When we feel love deeply or passionately, then perhaps (like Thomas Merton describing a mystical vision he had on a street corner) we can awake more from our dream of separateness and our illusion of difference and see the secret beauty and depth of other people’s hearts. Perhaps too it will enable us to see others at that place in them where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes.
And wouldn’t it be wonderful, Merton adds … “if we could see each other that way all the time.”

(Oblate Father Ron Rolheiser is a theologian, teacher and award-winning author. He can be contacted through his website www.ronrolheiser.com.)

Reflections on Life
By Melvin Arrington
In this series of articles we have examined the Fruits of the Spirit enumerated in Galatians 5:22-23. Previously, we have considered love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness and gentleness. We now conclude with the ninth fruit, self-control, referred to as temperance in some translations. This is perhaps the most problematic of all from the perspective of our modern culture because it calls for avoiding the near occasions of sin as well as disciplining and taming the ego.
Self-control is rapidly becoming a lost art. Restraint, self-discipline, and self-denial are all antithetical to the spirit of the modern age, which promotes self-indulgence and self-expression over and above the traditional virtues.
Well-ordered passions are good, but when they become inordinate, that is, excesses or perversions, then what was once a virtue is quickly transformed into a vice. For example, eating and drinking are good things because they are necessary to sustain life. We eat and drink to live. But if we overindulge in these activities, if we live to eat and drink, then we are guilty of the sin of gluttony.

Likewise, we need money to pay for the necessities of life, such as food, clothing, and shelter, but when money is valued as an end in itself, when it is excessively accumulated and hoarded, then this inordinate love of money becomes the sin of avarice. The same process of transformation produces the other deadly sins of anger, envy, lust, pride and sloth.
Clearly, temperance, or moderation, should govern our behavior. But when there is a failure to exert self-control over inordinate appetites and desires, sin enters the picture. We should not allow ourselves to be controlled and dominated by the passions of the will, which invariably result in immoderate behavior. When sin gains the upper hand, that means that egotism or self-love has replaced true charity. If we let temptation overwhelm us, then these deadly sins can become, in the words of Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen, the “seven pallbearers of the soul.”
According to St. Dominic, “a man who governs his passions is master of his world. We must either command them or be enslaved by them. It is better to be a hammer than an anvil.” Governing our passions is easier said than done. Even more challenging and demanding than self-control is self-mastery, which the Catechism calls “a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life” (CCC 2342).
Archbishop Sheen says we can’t really drive out evil habits on our own. Instead, we crowd them out by loving something else more. If we are filled with the love of God, then there’s no room for anything else to get inside of us. God will give us that extra measure of grace we need to overcome temptations if we only ask Him for it.
The Confessions of St. Augustine, who was a slave to the sin of lust before he turned his life around, is a classic conversion story. Augustine became convicted of his sin when he read in the 13th chapter of Romans: “Not in revelry and drunkenness, not in debauchery and wantonness, not in strife and jealousy; but put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and as for the flesh, take no thought for its lusts.” He discovered that he could love God more than the sinful life he was leading.
Temperance is based on the idea of exchange. We give up one thing in order to get something else. For example, we choose between the flesh and the spirit. We give up certain things during Lent (e.g. coffee, desserts, television), not because they are bad but so that by practicing self-restraint we can draw closer to God. Similarly, there is a huge difference between dieting and fasting; we diet for the sake of our physical appearance, but we fast for the sake of our spiritual welfare. Everything depends on what we value most highly.
In this out-of-control world we live in we have a choice to make. Do we want to follow the crowd and become like dead fish floating downstream, carried along by the current of popular opinion concerning what is right and wrong and totally at the mercy of our passions, or do we want to boldly swim upstream, against the current, fully alive, self-possessed, with our egos in check, and filled with God’s love. Our modern world can’t understand the latter option, but it’s really the only one that leads to genuine happiness.

(Melvin Arrington is a Professor Emeritus of Modern Languages for the University of Mississippi and a member of St. John Oxford.)

ON ORDINARY TIMES
By Lucia A. Silecchia

I saw them in the department store – a mother and a little girl about five years old. The child, in her restlessness, sought to wander away during what must have struck her as a very dull way to spend time. Sifting through a clearance rack is not the excitement five year olds appreciate.

Whenever the little girl strayed too far, her mother would say, with care and concern, “Please don’t get lost.” I smiled to myself when I heard this. I am blessed with a good sense of adventure but a horrible sense of direction. That combination means that when I was five – and now that I am much older than five! – getting lost was and remains a routine state of affairs.

But when I heard that mother say to a beloved daughter “Please don’t get lost,” it struck me that this is not merely a mother’s plea to an unwilling young shopping companion. It may also be the prayer that loving mothers say for their beloved children every day of their lives. It may be a prayer that goes something like this …

When you lie in your crib alone and the darkness of your room and the shadows on the wall frighten you and the night seems long, please don’t get lost.

When you take your first steps and you fall not just once, but over and over again, and your knees and your pride get bruised, please don’t get lost.

When I leave you alone at school for the first time and you glance back toward me and ahead toward a roomful of strangers and uncertainty overwhelms you, please don’t get lost.

When a schoolyard bully ruins your day, when you fail your first exam, when you lose the spelling bee and when you don’t get picked for the baseball team or the school play and you never want to go to school again, please don’t get lost.

When you are discerning your vocation in life and deciding how best to spend your love and the future seems exciting and frightening, boundless and burdensome all at the same time, please don’t get lost.
When your heart gets broken in all the large and small ways that happens and you think life will never hold joy for you again, please don’t get lost.

When illness or injury strikes you – or someone you love – without warning and the suffering is more than you ever thought possible and each day is a stunning new struggle, please don’t get lost.

When you pray and God seems far away and so you stop praying for a time, please don’t get lost.

When life is going well and you stop realizing how much you need God and, once again, you stop praying for a time, please don’t get lost.

When your cherished plans fall apart or a lifelong friend betrays you or a dearest dream is dashed, please don’t get lost.

When success surrounds you and you let it go to your head, please don’t get lost.

When you make a stunningly bad mistake and no one is angrier at you than you are at yourself, please don’t get lost.

When your heart, your home, your bank account and your stomach are all full and you neglect gratitude and compassion, please don’t get lost.

When you start to feel, for the very first time, that you are growing older and might not accomplish all that you hoped to do in this life, and that emptiness hurts your heart a bit, please don’t get lost.

When I myself grow old and the painful privilege of walking me home falls on your shoulders, just as care for you once fell on mine, do the best you can, and please don’t get lost.

When you yourself grow older and with grace and dignity – or, perhaps, against your own will — you start to shed the outward signs of success and strength by which we too often measure our worth, please don’t get lost.

But most of all, when your journey through this life draws to an end, then, more than ever, please don’t get lost.

When you are scared, hold onto all I tried to teach you, the faith I tried to share with you, and the love I left behind for you. Please don’t get lost – because I want to see you again on the other side of eternity, when we have both left behind our ordinary times.

On Mother’s Day and always, may God bless all our mothers in this world and the next. And thanks, Mom, for all the times you prayed for me.

(Lucia A. Silecchia is a Professor of Law at the Catholic University of America. “On Ordinary Times” is a biweekly column reflecting on the ways to find the sacred in the simple. Email her at silecchia@cua.edu.)